once upon a time these two people joined their lives
Love of my Life
Monday, February 14, 2011
GOD WILL GIVE US STRENGTH
Last Monday I went to the doctor for baby Noah, he said he had good & bad news..I first took the good news being bad news seems like all Ive heard this whole road. He said the cyst on his brain had went away but the fluid around his heart had doubled. He also so it was impossible to see the fluid behind the neck once a baby gets so big on a ultrasound. Our daughter goes in this Wed for her colonoscopy for her Crohns disease so keep her in prayers!! Its really nice having people pray for you all the time. I am not one of those people to reach out to people & I kinda hate it but after going through all this its a blessing we are able too.I have been reading a book this lady got me from church. Its called "A different dream for my child". In one night I already made it to page187 & there are 266..lol..I dont normally read books b/c that takes work!haha..I have learned alot through it though & it give me inspiration to be a better mother & realize our situation is nothing compared to others...Grief I always thought was for parents who lost there children but as a parent that our children maybe healthy one day, in this book a story refers to having to grief over what has happened that cannot be changed or can even if your child is alive or you lost your child. At the end of each story is a prayer & scriptures:) I have learned through this book that just b/c you have a dream for your child doesnt mean it has to be shattered b/c of the situation but to make that dream come true maybe with few limitations or alot. Little Noah is not mine or Shawns baby hes Gods child & my prayer isnt going to be pleading anymore to him to have Noah live or be healed but for Gods Will to be done. That is very selfish of me to want want want when God already knows what I want. No matter what we want he is going to have his Will done in Avery & Noah. I hope to look back on these posts one day & realize how far we have came on this journey..
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Will The Doctor Appts Ever End?!!
Looks like little Noah is a growing..I am 21 weeks:)..I am supposed to meet up with a neuro doctor for him this week! I am half way there though to see our baby boy..I am really thinking about not doing anymore doctor appts for him b/c either way he will be here & we can deal with whatever it is when hes here..I have feelings he could just be ok & then others where I am still worried..God only knows & I have hope. I think he has been dealing with my emotions lately alot b/c I am not crying as much & looking forward to the nursery esc..Only he will give me that comfort but it sure is hard when your going through it.We recently found out our daughter Avery that has Crohns & thalassemia is going in on Feb 16th at the hosptial for surgrey b/c some levels were elevated, that doesnt make me feel any better.She is so strong though & what was really funny the other day is her telling the doctor after she had told Avery how proud of her she was these last couple years Avery replied " Ya but its nice not living in the hospital anymore!" I was full of smiles..lol..I guess it should be a testimony to me as well to others if she can deal with colonoscopys esc all her life & she is just 6 then mommy should be able to also:) Its hard being strong for you kiddos but me & Shawn will be! We have had alot of trials & tribulations to deal with & in the long run it will make us stronger..I am very proud God has given me such a great family b/c if it wasnt for them & God we wouldnt be where we are at..
Monday, January 24, 2011
I am gaining courage:)
Well today I got the courage to buy two outfits at the store...I put them back like 5 to 6 times:( but it felt good..Sunday at church my heart was reallly touched..I just know God is testing peoples faith in these situations but every mountain we come across we will overcome:)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Noah Lander
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I talked to the nurse just a while ago & she said all my blood work looked great..I told her this morning I have been kinda crampy in my lower abdomen & had a little bit of some kinda fluid come out but she said if it happens again go to labor & delivery & to lay on my left side & drink plenty water...Watch for bleeding..So looks like today I will be resting..
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Beginning....
One day I met the love of my life Shawn..I really never thought I would find someone who was so much alike me in so many ways, & love me unconditionally!! Now that I have him, I could never imagine it any different:) We were married July 9th 2005.It was the best feeling ever to know your journey was just beginning. At first we had 2 children Dillan and Avery, until we met Chase.At first it was scary knowing I was not just a mom to one but 2 then 3 kids. They have all really grown in there own little ways. Dillan was shy for long time but he has opened up like you wouldnt believe.He is so caring, loves god & his family, so strong as setting a good example as a big brother. When he plays baseball you can see the love for it! Avery has been a strong trooper from the beginning being a sick infant up until now.She was diagnosed with Crohns & thalassemia along with some MRSA at age 1 1/2. Lots of hospital stays & colonoscopys. I feel like God has a great plan for her one day. We met our baby boy Chase who is a healthy baby born on October 10th. He is always wanting to give out a hug or kiss. That child is not shy by any means..haha, He is very sneaky but very sweet. We recently found out we were expecting a new little blessing on June 17th 2011. The day I found out was at a hospital visit b/c I was having alot of lower back pain,bleeding, fever 103 and blood in urine. I was 8 weeks prego & diagnosed with a kidney infection. The doctors told me the infection was so bad that if the fetus was still alive or lived it would be miracle. At that point I was more worried about getting better than anthing else.They took me down for ultra-sound to make sure it was not etopic which it wasnt! There was a little dot in my belly & strong heart beat. From then on I had follow up ultrasounds with a ob doc to keep eye on me. I was getting so happy until I went one morning to the doctor when I was 12 weeks & she found a thickened Nuchal Fold through ultrasound. She explained that it could be a sign for edward sydrome, down sydrome or other chromosomal problems. She explained all the risks of each one.She printed out pictures and you could clearly see the fluid around the back of the neck. So then from there she sent me to have blood work and get a referral to a maternal fetal med doc. My life then shattered..I felt like I had just walked out of the doctors office with no hope at all. I had the knot in your belly and the feeling of what am I going to do! It was the longest 2 weeks ever waiting on tests. Eventually I just got to where all I did for the past days was cry and call the doctors for those tests everyday!! I prayed every day more than I can even remember. Here I was later I met with the spec doctor who performed a level 2 ultrasound to look more at everything when I was 13 1/2 weeks. He said the fluid was a little over a 3 and I had hope. I just kept telling him how do you put out 3 healthy kids and one day this happen. He explained to me its not something that has to run in your family or anything. It just happens but if it does run in your family your at greater risk and if your older over 35. I explained to him all the tests I had done before and he assured me that the amnio was the most accurate test 99.9 to do in this situation b/c the blood work has some false results.I just started bawling! He said me being so early there was a chance of a club foot but it was a very small chance like 1 in 200. I felt like I had enough of waiting and still knew nothing about the others, so I decided to do it right then! My heart pounding and the tears kept flowing. He told me it felt like a little bee sting and my tummy may feel crampy afterwards but that the results would be in less than 10 days. To tell the truth it hurt worse than my belly button ring!!! I was a basket case and all I wanted was prayer and guidance. I just didnt know if I was going to loose him or have no choice but to abort. Right before Chirstmas 2010 the genetic counselor called like 4 days later and told me that the amnio was negative! She said the amnio did show I was a carrier for cystic fib and so would the baby. She asked if we had found out what we were having and I told her no. She said it looks like the baby has a Y chromosone so that means boy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told her I really wanted a girl but after all this I am just glad God is giving us healthy baby:) She said the doc had found some fluid around the heart & the nuchal fold was a little over 3 the last time he seen me too..Since the tests did come back negative the doctor said it could still mean he could have heart defect. Heart defects can cause fluid to back up under the skin. Me and Shawn decided on naming him after Noah in the bible b/c he was faithful & strong to God. I went for my fetal ecko and anatomy scan on Tuesday 1/17/2011 and 18 weeks the maternal fetal med doc said 4 chambers of the heart looked great! Noah still has some fluid around his neck and some around his heart but it looks like its went down alot..They looked at his cords that help with your spinal cord..They found a small cyst on his brain..He said it could all go way on its own but its still something they want to watch and evaluate. He told me at this point he thinks the worst part is over and was optimistic. He said he may need other medical attention but he thinks everything is going to be ok..It was nice to hear that..When I walked away from that appt I couldnt have felt more blessed! I have had such a great family, friends and church family!This whole time we couldnt buy anything for him at the store and was afraid of having baby shower and getting the nursery ready. At this point I can say all those impossible feelings I was feeling really could be put to rest. I feel bad now knowing I questioned God why?!?! Why me! Havent we been through enough watching Avery suffer??! esc.. God has been here from the beginning..He wont ever give you more than you can handle nor will he for sake you even when we think its more..The devil was putting all the doubt in my mind and I was letting him get the best of me. God knew before we even knew about Noah how everything was going to go and be..I would have alot regret knowing I didnt make the best of carrying Noah Lander..Thats why I am going to continue keeping my chin high and bible close.Its sad to say that sometimes we have to go down those roads for God to see how much faith we do have. In time of need if you dont have him you will be lonely in a dark hole but through him all things are possible!! Thanks everyone for prayers and thoughts. We will keep this updated.
One day I met the love of my life Shawn..I really never thought I would find someone who was so much alike me in so many ways, & love me unconditionally!! Now that I have him, I could never imagine it any different:) We were married July 9th 2005.It was the best feeling ever to know your journey was just beginning. At first we had 2 children Dillan and Avery, until we met Chase.At first it was scary knowing I was not just a mom to one but 2 then 3 kids. They have all really grown in there own little ways. Dillan was shy for long time but he has opened up like you wouldnt believe.He is so caring, loves god & his family, so strong as setting a good example as a big brother. When he plays baseball you can see the love for it! Avery has been a strong trooper from the beginning being a sick infant up until now.She was diagnosed with Crohns & thalassemia along with some MRSA at age 1 1/2. Lots of hospital stays & colonoscopys. I feel like God has a great plan for her one day. We met our baby boy Chase who is a healthy baby born on October 10th. He is always wanting to give out a hug or kiss. That child is not shy by any means..haha, He is very sneaky but very sweet. We recently found out we were expecting a new little blessing on June 17th 2011. The day I found out was at a hospital visit b/c I was having alot of lower back pain,bleeding, fever 103 and blood in urine. I was 8 weeks prego & diagnosed with a kidney infection. The doctors told me the infection was so bad that if the fetus was still alive or lived it would be miracle. At that point I was more worried about getting better than anthing else.They took me down for ultra-sound to make sure it was not etopic which it wasnt! There was a little dot in my belly & strong heart beat. From then on I had follow up ultrasounds with a ob doc to keep eye on me. I was getting so happy until I went one morning to the doctor when I was 12 weeks & she found a thickened Nuchal Fold through ultrasound. She explained that it could be a sign for edward sydrome, down sydrome or other chromosomal problems. She explained all the risks of each one.She printed out pictures and you could clearly see the fluid around the back of the neck. So then from there she sent me to have blood work and get a referral to a maternal fetal med doc. My life then shattered..I felt like I had just walked out of the doctors office with no hope at all. I had the knot in your belly and the feeling of what am I going to do! It was the longest 2 weeks ever waiting on tests. Eventually I just got to where all I did for the past days was cry and call the doctors for those tests everyday!! I prayed every day more than I can even remember. Here I was later I met with the spec doctor who performed a level 2 ultrasound to look more at everything when I was 13 1/2 weeks. He said the fluid was a little over a 3 and I had hope. I just kept telling him how do you put out 3 healthy kids and one day this happen. He explained to me its not something that has to run in your family or anything. It just happens but if it does run in your family your at greater risk and if your older over 35. I explained to him all the tests I had done before and he assured me that the amnio was the most accurate test 99.9 to do in this situation b/c the blood work has some false results.I just started bawling! He said me being so early there was a chance of a club foot but it was a very small chance like 1 in 200. I felt like I had enough of waiting and still knew nothing about the others, so I decided to do it right then! My heart pounding and the tears kept flowing. He told me it felt like a little bee sting and my tummy may feel crampy afterwards but that the results would be in less than 10 days. To tell the truth it hurt worse than my belly button ring!!! I was a basket case and all I wanted was prayer and guidance. I just didnt know if I was going to loose him or have no choice but to abort. Right before Chirstmas 2010 the genetic counselor called like 4 days later and told me that the amnio was negative! She said the amnio did show I was a carrier for cystic fib and so would the baby. She asked if we had found out what we were having and I told her no. She said it looks like the baby has a Y chromosone so that means boy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told her I really wanted a girl but after all this I am just glad God is giving us healthy baby:) She said the doc had found some fluid around the heart & the nuchal fold was a little over 3 the last time he seen me too..Since the tests did come back negative the doctor said it could still mean he could have heart defect. Heart defects can cause fluid to back up under the skin. Me and Shawn decided on naming him after Noah in the bible b/c he was faithful & strong to God. I went for my fetal ecko and anatomy scan on Tuesday 1/17/2011 and 18 weeks the maternal fetal med doc said 4 chambers of the heart looked great! Noah still has some fluid around his neck and some around his heart but it looks like its went down alot..They looked at his cords that help with your spinal cord..They found a small cyst on his brain..He said it could all go way on its own but its still something they want to watch and evaluate. He told me at this point he thinks the worst part is over and was optimistic. He said he may need other medical attention but he thinks everything is going to be ok..It was nice to hear that..When I walked away from that appt I couldnt have felt more blessed! I have had such a great family, friends and church family!This whole time we couldnt buy anything for him at the store and was afraid of having baby shower and getting the nursery ready. At this point I can say all those impossible feelings I was feeling really could be put to rest. I feel bad now knowing I questioned God why?!?! Why me! Havent we been through enough watching Avery suffer??! esc.. God has been here from the beginning..He wont ever give you more than you can handle nor will he for sake you even when we think its more..The devil was putting all the doubt in my mind and I was letting him get the best of me. God knew before we even knew about Noah how everything was going to go and be..I would have alot regret knowing I didnt make the best of carrying Noah Lander..Thats why I am going to continue keeping my chin high and bible close.Its sad to say that sometimes we have to go down those roads for God to see how much faith we do have. In time of need if you dont have him you will be lonely in a dark hole but through him all things are possible!! Thanks everyone for prayers and thoughts. We will keep this updated.
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